Baking Better Bystanders

Hello! I know it has been a long time since you received one of these messages from us. In fact, it was in January 2025 just after Alec and Rachel returned from Tobago. They were all excited about how much they learned from the exchange with bakers in another country. We were looking forward to the next year of the program and excited to share more of the experience, but it was canceled as the State Department’s priorities changed. That was one of the first appreciable consequences (of many) for us that largely took the wind out of our sails and made composing these emails difficult.

    Since then, we've focused on both immediate and projected changes to the business ecosystem. Not very fun stuff in a dark environment.

    So we decided it is time for at least two things; work on some new products (more on that later), and be more intentional in expressing Sarkozy Bakery hopes and dreams.

    I (Judy) have struggled with what I (and the bakery) can do in a time with so much discontent, anger, and violence. I want us to demonstrate that courtesy and considerate behavior are real values and they will help sustain this nation. I want to show that kindness, and joy are enormously powerful. To that end, I want to find the best way for me to respond when I find myself in various scenarios.

    I have a friend who was with his husband in a busy airport and someone came up and started harassing the two of them. That kind of hateful behavior is cruel and dehumanizing, but what made matters even worse was that no one came to their defense in any way.

    I decided that I should do something. There are such strong forces attacking democracy and supporting hateful behavior these days. While I feel pretty powerless to do much in today's environment, I feel compelled to support the web of kindness and love that will help get us through this mess.

    So I decided to brush up on how to recognize aggressive and hateful behavior, how to intervene if appropriate, and how to help the victim(s). I want to be ready to act appropriately should I find myself being a bystander. I want to be ready to demonstrate to perpetrator, victim, and other bystanders alike that kind, respectful behavior is stronger then hate!

    On the web I found some helpful suggestions. This site discusses the Five Ds (Distract, Delegate, Delay, Document, Direct) of bystander intervention. You can go to their website where they explain each of these strategies in detail.

Here is a quick review of them.

    Distraction is pretty straightforward. Ask the victim or the perp what time it is, ask the victim or perp if they are OK, "accidentally" spill something or drop something. Act as if you know the victim “Bob! What are you doing here, I thought you were still in Italy!”. You get the idea.

    Delegate in this context means to bring someone in addition to than yourself into the scenario. It could be the person sitting next to you, security personal, asking someone to go for help, someone with authority in that environment, like a bakery owner, for example. They don't suggest involving the police unless the victim wishes to do so.

    Document by videoing or any other method. Record the time, the date, the location. Do not share the documentation with anyone other than the victim, unless the victim requests it. They may not want the incident to be public.

    Delay where it is impossible to intervene in any other of the above ways, speak to the victim after it is over, comfort the victim, and reassure them.

    Direct, if you decide to respond directly, be sure you are physically safe, and that the victim is physically safe. Also be confident that the situation will not escalate. Avoid engaging directly with the perpetrator.

    So now, I'm reviewing times in my life when I should have responded and when I did or didn’t do so. I'm trying to build up my hate coping muscles. I hope others will too because as we despair about feeling powerless, I believe we must search for things that we can do, and this might be very powerful.

    Oh yeah, the bakery! Another positive change we hope to make is to get back to sharing news and interesting things from the bakery. From a new project Alec and his wife, Callie, have been working on, to tasty recipes and baked goods the bakers have been testing out, and all the lovely holiday products that will be here before we know it! Keep an eye out for future emails or just come by the bakery to see the action for yourself.

- Judy